Please, don't refuse your not afraid to hurt me. You remember what it was like to press that little red button, sound of the dial tones that followed?
Grab the gun, grip the trigger, now
pull.
Don't pretend to be appalled at the suggestion. Tell me do you remember what it felt like to move your hand back and fourth, to wave goodbye?
Take a drive, I keep the book in a box beneath my bed, make the arrangements.
Use your poker face if you must, tell everyone you had no idea, that you're shocked.
You promised, you swore you'd keep me safe.
Yet you heard the fear that laced my words, the pain that stole my breath. The screams, the threats that poured through the walls, that lingered in the corners. You heard
closed fist meet flesh, you heard the words that accompanied each blow. Words so painful they can never be unheard or unfelt. You heard the pain escape my lips in the form of desperate sobs. You heard hope leave, you heard despair make it's entrance, kick off it's shoes and make itself right at home.Yet you hung up the phone unaffected, returned to your life as normal while I fought death from my doorstep.
You saw the change in me, it was impossible to miss. You saw sorrow invade my eyes, collect in the corners. You heard the quiver in my voice, the weakness making itself known. The glow of my cheeks were gone, replaced with streaks of black. The color in my lips had faded. You saw the body of a dead girl.
You chose not to look, not to ask.
You heard me choking on the hopelessness, drowning in despair. You watched me sink, unable to grab hold of anything. You watched the blue pull me under.
I watched you turn and walk away.
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